Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
