You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
