Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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