The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.