Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.