dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.