I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.