If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He felt like a one man threesome
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
