Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
