I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
