someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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