i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
