I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
