There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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