my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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