DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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