I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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