You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
