i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
