You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
