Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Pants are for mortals
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
