i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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