so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
