I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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