the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
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Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.