I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..