Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.