idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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