Porn is love you can see.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize