Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
