That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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