I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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