My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
