Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
