i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The power of my boobs compel you
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
