i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Shame is for Republicans.
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