Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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