I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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