the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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