I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
