sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
