I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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