Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???