do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
