Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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