im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
