the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
