Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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