I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize