Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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