shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
