Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm passing your future prison.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
