he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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