I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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