the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Congratulations! We have a period
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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