Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
