I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
