Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
