wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
