My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If I die, sorry about rent.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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