If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
