Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
