my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
