i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
