I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
