I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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