I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
