Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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