My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
