No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
