he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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