I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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