The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
