Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
