I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
no you cant smoke seaweed
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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