God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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