I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
