lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
