i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
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We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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