he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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