But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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