My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
