We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
