is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
